You Make My Heart Sing

Wild makes me think of Witch Baby and her snarls, digging herself into the mud and flinging herself around in silence. She makes me think of emotional turmoil, unease, unrest. And while I’d never typically relate myself to some sort of “wild thing” when I think of what Witch Baby makes me think of, I can relate. Oh. Can I relate.

I never rebelled as a teenager. I didn’t act out. I just acted as myself. My tattoos might be considered rebellious by my family, but ink was never etched into my skin for that purpose. If anything, their reactions to my choices with my body make me cringe and not get tattooed. I’ve always been one of those people who did not want to be part of the norm. It didn’t feel right to want a husband and 2.5 babies and a white picket fence. Fuck, I never wanted to work in an office or consider myself a 9-5er. I just wanted to be. I wanted myself and my freedom and creative juices always flowing. And now I have a 401k and benefits and some sense of responsibility.

I’m pretty sure my insides are acting out.

And I realize that it’s not my actions that make me wild. There’s something else. There’s some deep rooted everything that’s unfurling inside me, the quiver deep in my belly that recognizes excitement, the aching as I delve into fiction writing. It’s like that unkempt part inside of me is leaking out into the page.

Image

 

fuck all of that
noise
like wind and
scratching
moans of un-
delight
forget 
those days
that meant anything

because

right now
your heart
is marathoning
and dodging
branches
your mind is
tangled in a
mess of
colorwordsthoughts
liesfeelingsloss

you are you are you are
wild inside
covered in dirt
biting your lips
sucking on blood

you are youare you’re
calmcomposedcollected
but only 
outside

a mask of
skin hair and smiles
keeps you
contained
withdrawn
together

if i unzipped
my seems
would everything
fall out
into a heap
on the floor
to be brushed away
beneath the carpet?

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “You Make My Heart Sing

  1. This is wonderful. I know what you mean by your body acting out. Mine is in a weird place, too.

    • it’s the worst, really. and i keep telling myself i need to figure out how to calm down on the inside. especially since stress can add to heart issues and aging and (more) gray hairs. but i can’t. i dont know why. i can’t even figure out the first step. my body won’t let me. or i won’t let me. i dont know.

  2. “I’m pretty sure my insides are acting out.” I love this. And that last stanza…I found myself nodding my head. No one wants to see the ugly, the dirty, the Witch Baby in all of us – sometimes we don’t even want to witness it ourselves. But I think it definitely needs to be acknowledged, if only for our own health and peace of mind. ❤

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