Life crisis

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I think I’ve been suffering through a quarter-life crises for at least the past six years. Maybe eight. What is a quarter life, anyway? I’ll live to be on hundred? Not at this rate. If time is like a circle I am constantly reliving moments passed and those that haven’t come yet. This keeps me in a constant state of nostalgia and anxiety, fake conversations and heartache for something else.

But you’ve heard this all before.

I guess if I were to define quarter-life crisis it would be that time after high school where you don’t know what you’re doing with yourself. It’s when all your friends have it together and you still aren’t quite sure what “it” is. It’s when you relive the same struggle over and over again, learning nothing and digging yourself deeper into a pit. It’s when you still don’t know what you want for a career or if you want to marry or think about children. It’s when you feel like this unknown is not okay (when really, it’s more than okay). It’s when you realize you aren’t doing what you dreamt of doing and you can’t figure out how to get back there, back toy our college aged self who had ambitions and optimism. Now you have a 401k and a vulgar taste in your mouth, or a negative bank account and a struggle to work thirty hours a week. Or a retail job that just won’t get better. Or a dream job on paper that’s sucking your soul out through your dreams.

All of this is okay.
They’re just facts about our lives.

But it’s how we feel about these facts that captures us into a crisis. When we don’t know where to go from here because apparently here is wrong and not who we want to be so we punish ourselves with anxious thoughts about the passing of time, the lost innocence, the ache to create. It’s the depression, the confusion, the aggravation. It’s comparing ourselves to others time after time, comparing ourselves to the person we want to be, comparing ourselves to something that’s not real. Not yet.

Maybe all our life is a crisis
but only if we let it be.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Life crisis

  1. From the etymology dictionary. I thought you would appreciate this. I sure do :
    ‘A German term for “mid-life crisis” is Torschlusspanik, literally “shut-door-panic,” fear of being on the wrong side of a closing gate.’

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