Tall and long
In the sinking sun
Cross the frozen lake
Crunch a path to the
Small island of evergreens
The tree always hugs back
With a swaying song
Midnight windy storm
On the Whiffen Spit
Waves flood the walk
As drowning crickets chirp
The eagle always comes back
I made this playlist at the beginning of the week. Shadow makes me think of my dark side, my Shadow Self. I think all my friends would laugh at me and say I have no dark side, but it’s like MAdM says, everyone has a dark side. I don’t speak much, but what I say tends to have a sharp jab of truth. I am blunt. My mother calls it “brutal honesty”. I blame her. She always told me not to lie, so I don’t. I remember watching Harriet the Spy when I was twelve and Golly was explaining when it was appropriate to tell little white lies and I thought man, I really need to figure this out. But I still haven’t.
“Men can be dangerous, like in the song ’Datura’ about how sometimes they can bring you gold and sometimes they can be the bearer of poison. The plant Datura is a hallucinogen and it’s like men. If you get the right amount you’ll walk into the garden and become a woman, but if too much seeps in in the wrong way and at the wrong time – it’ll kill you.” – Tori Amos (Attitude Magazine, November 1999)
he knew what he liked
and what he liked was me
he was lightning, sardine lip at my neck
and bursting cherry at the knees
all of him locked tight, teeth clenched
he was hot bread, boy sank so smooth
in my throat, he took me hard
beneath the willow tree and never spoke
he was earth, traced whatever was
left of my body in mud, in patterns
that recalled hieroglyphs and runes
his fingers were cold and his belly was hard
his lips were blue and his name was sour
his hunger was old and his breath was bruised
oh, he was a seedy prince, a carnivorous
ghost, and i’d wrench my way past his tongue
to get some of that magic
to be his, his all over again.
He [my shadow] told me once
that I’d never get rid of him
and I jumped.
This is my shadow. He watches my back when I follow the light, and preceeds me as we head into the darkness.
I have been racking my brain pretty hard on this theme…which is weird, because usually my work tends to be darker, borderline macabre even. anyways, I decided to focus on my own shadow….my mental illness. When it hits me, I feel like a dark creature has wrapped it’s long clawed fingers around my entire being and plunged me into a state of insanity fueled completely by despair. This is her, crawling up the back of my neck, reaching in my mind to take away all sense of joy, and leave me in complete madness.