I am in this space again. Dark, oppressive. Last month, I wrote fervently. This month, I have eked out a few words here or there, but most of my life has been consumed by other responsibilities and sorting out too many issues. It always goes like this: productivity, crash, frustration, stress, breakthrough, productivity, crash, etc. etc. etc.
The cycle continues.
I know I need to extend those periods of productivity. When I create, I feel alive. I create life in a series of words–images when I’m making collages–that make sense, even if to no one but me.
Spring is coming. I have been preparing by clearing out the old things, the useless and the overtly nostalgic. Skirts I purchased in a market ten years ago that I no longer wear. Broken pencils. Itchy tights.
I’m creating space. I have carved out a little niche for a desk. It has to be small and streamlined, but that’s my aesthetic lately, anyway. Proportion. Controlled volume. Billowing but not swallowing me whole. No clutter.
This morning, I managed to write more than I’ve written in a week. There is a renewed life in my work. Must keep the words living, breathing, moving, but they must be committed to telling the story.
Here are some songs that help me vent my negativity and get back to a better place.
Listen here! Cycles
Pompeii-Bastille: “How am I gonna be an optimist about this?”
Violet-Hole: “Go on, take everything! Take everything! I dare you to!”
Farewell, Mona Lisa-The Dillinger Escape Plan: “The echoes of the past speak louder than any voice I hear right now.”
Wish-Nine Inch Nails: “Wish there was something real, wish there was something true. Wish there was something real in this world full of you.”
Safe-Kittie: “In this darkness, troubled waters, lies a flicker of hope’s fire.”
When It Comes-Incubus: “Yes, I feel emphatic about not being static.”
Find My Way-Nine Inch Nails: “I have been to every place, I have been to everywhere. I’m just trying to find my way, oh dear Lord, hear my prayer.”
Malibu-Hole: “Oceans of angels, oceans of stars. Down by the sea is where you drown your scars.”
Bad Blood-Bastille: “If we’re only ever looking back, we will drive ourselves insane.”
Scheisse-Lady Gaga: “I, I wish that I could dance on a single prayer. I, I wish I could be strong without permission, yeah.”
Listen, cry, sing, dance, write, repeat.