Oh baby. I am always so excited to photograph delicious meals and gush about new favorite restaurants that when I dated a picky eater for three months I was surprised by how much I missed the excitement of tasting new flavor combinations. I filled up on pizza and love instead (and it was a whole different kind of satisfying). Now I have more free time for restaurant adventures, experiments in cooking and instagramming my meals. I’m even thinking about starting a mason jar herb garden this year. Why not, really? So tell me about your favorite cuisines, why you are afraid to try any food that’s write and creamy, vinegary, etc. I want photos and recipes, restaurant reviews, poems about love affairs with food. Anything!
Week 2; consciousness: The very notion to me seems a little vague….often in conversation, when this word is brought up, it’s sails take wind in the direction of the meta-physical, spirituality, imagination, and perceptions on how they apply to the real world…..my perceptions are often askew, and when pondering the subject, the lines between sub-, and consciousness become blurred even further…..so here is a piece I wrote on my perception of the subject, when battling a severe “Manic Attack”.
Awake…….am i awake?
is this actually happening, or did I make it up?
is my mind the cause of such morbid fixations?
is the world a bad place because I believe it to be so?
awake…..I am awake.
this is actually happening, I did not make it up.
my mind finds fixation upon the morbid.
the world is a bad place, and I accept that fact.
awake,,,,,,asleep…..is there a difference?
subconscious working just as hard as reality
lines begin to blur, words being to slur,
how can it be so dark in the middle of the day?
awake…….a state of mind…..
consciousness fighting the dreams that cloud my world
lines drawn stiff and straight, words emerge, but too late
the dark is somehow bright and blinding…….
awake…….am I too late?
“Blue Light” mixed media: paper, oil pastel, watercolor
shot thru w/ light, magenta
behind closed eyelids
–Diane di Prima, Loba
Tap into your consciousness
Find the beauty
I hear an animal within me, whimpering
madly and clawing at the inside of my chest.
When I am awake my words contain all the
distance in cold stars. But when I sleep, oh,
when I dream, I am spinning once again
in a golden field, and I am unafraid –
of dizziness, of falling, but most of all I
am unafraid of my own latent hunger. I’m
so good at pretending neither state exists;
not the realm of deep and blue cushioned
sleep, not this world where I feign cool
and passive ignorance. Perhaps, then, my
breathing beasts, my absolute ghosts only
exist on the brink where my big toe threatens
to touch the possibility of drop, where the
horizon line has the ability to extend for
years and years. I pick up the phone and dial.
Am I out of range, or am I there?
Are you there?
“If you desire the self, get out of the self.
Leave the shallow stream behind
and flow into the river deep and wide.
Don’t be an ox pulling the wheel of the plow,
turn with the stars that wheel above you.”
I’m aching to reach some other form of consciousness, guys. There’s too much chatter in my mind and I can’t seem to figure out how to get it quiet. Basically I think I need to meditate. Breathe more. Pay attention. I need to do yoga and feel the way my body moves as I move it. I need to stop committing to things and start focusing on my current commitments. One of those huge major commitments, actually the biggest one of all is: myself.
And in order to commit to myself, I need to slow down, sniff some snow (the flowers are long dead in Massachusetts in January) and recognize consciousness.